Righty tighty lefty loosy G-String
Righty tighty lefty loosy is a term many of us have heard most of our lives to remember which way to turn to tighten or loosen a bolt, nut, or screw. When it comes to the human species most all of us are predominantly righty or lefty with every aspect of our anatomy. This is not learned or environmental it is hereditary. If you are a righty your Dad was a righty and your Grand Dad and Great Grand Dad right on down to your most ancient ancestor coming out of the cave favoring the right. To this generation’s most extreme case, Rush Limbaugh. Now that being said there is a silly aspect of this that I have had the pleasure of noticing which is rarely talked about and even more rarely written. I believe it is the origin of the G-String. The reason it is so rarely discussed is not that it is controversial or bizarre or vile or relatively unknown to any but experts in the field. It is simply the fact that it is totally ridiculous, but that is my area of expertise. If you are someone who has had the great pleasure of living with a woman that likes to saunter around the homestead wearing only a little t-shirt and underwear you have probably noticed this phenomena. Every woman’s gluteus maximus, and believe me I am really taking my life in my hands using the proper term maximus when referring to a woman’s derrière. Even the greatest experts in human anatomy know to use the feminine form of this Latin term Gluteus Minimus. Now I digress, when a woman waltzes around long enough comfortably wearing only minimal clothing you will notice that one side of the lower undergarment will gradually be pulled into the Anal Cleft (Refer to last weeks’ blog if not familiar with this anatomical terminology). Some women will pull the underwear from the right side and some from the left. Occasionally you might find the rare lady that pulls from both sides equally. If you are lucky enough to stumble on to this tremendously rare occurrence take my advice and marry her as quickly as possible. She is a Goddess, descended from Goddesses from Mother to Grandmother to Great Grandmother to Xenia the Warrior Princess pulling equally from both sides to Glory. As it is written so shall it be said, and that being said I believe that some inventive young lad noticing this exciting act of nature had a thought and took that thought to invention. What if there was an undergarment that had the back of the piece already inserted in the Anal Cleft? Thus giving any woman the chance to be perceived as the Goddess she believes she already is and deserves to be. To which the G-String was fashioned. A String around the waist and a string up the, Whoops I said it again, Anal Cleft, with a patch in the front. Now the million-dollar question, why is it called a G-String? This was a Goggle moment. And if you have never Goggled G-String take the time, and you will need time, that is one great Saturday afternoon with baseball in the background. So here is my finding. If the string going inside the, watch out here it comes again, Anal Cleft is very taught. I mean really rubber band man taught and you pass gas at a strong enough velocity making the string inside the, Oh no you didn’t, Anal Cleft vibrate correctly you will get a distinct sound, in the key of G. Depending on the size, depth, and girth of the region it could be G Sharp or Flat but in the case a pure key of G is heard the true Goddess revealed and acknowledged. So it is written so it is heard so shall it be.
Comedy Tip: Farts are funny. Always have been always will be. That is God’s sense of Humor.